Latest New romantic funny santa banta jokes,Messages collection

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

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Santa: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!'

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

 

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.. Santa: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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Santa joined new job. 1st day she worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

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Santa: What is the name of your car?
Pooja: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Santa: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

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Santa and Pooja were fixing a bomb in a car.
Pooja: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Santa: Dont worry, I have one more.

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Media: Where were you born?
Santa: India ..
Media: which part?
Santa: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in India

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Santa Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha
Kyu Tension Me Ho..
Santa:Yaar,Ek Dost Ko
Plastic Surgery
K Liye 2 Lakh Diye
Ab Saale Ko
Pehchaan Nahi Pa raha hu.

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Santa Makes call to Airport.... how long is the journey from punjab to America?
Receptionist: 1 second sir....
.
.
.
Santa disconnects and says.... peeke bethi hai chudail.... :- 

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Santa to Banta :- Agr tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya h. toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere..
Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne h... . to 10 k 10 tere....
Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske h... . to Murgi bhi teri.... .
Banta :- Abey koi HINT TO De 

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Bank manager asks Santa in an interview: "What is cyclone"
Santa: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"

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Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Santa: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting,
but forgot to stop it!!

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MD: I give you driver job. Starting salary is 2000 Rs.
Santa: Oh, thank you. What is the driving salary and stopping salary?

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Santa to a doctor: Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya
Doctor: I can't understand Hindi. Can you tell in English
Santa: My londa gironda from Hero Honda !!!!

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Santa was drawing money from ATM.
A person, who was just behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****).
Santa replies, "Ha! Ha! Ha! You are wrong. Its 1258."

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Salesman: Sir, do you want this powder ?
Santa: For what ?
Salesman: For ants
Santa: No. If I give powder today, they will ask lipstick tomorrow!!!

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Santa: Oye.. Mera mobile bill kitna hai ?
Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to get your current bill status.
Santa: Abbey STUPID, current ka nahi mobile ka bill chaahiye !

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After returning home from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife: "Do I look like a foreigner ?"
Wife: "No.. Why ?"
Santa: "In London, a lady asked me whether I am a foreigner !!"

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Napoleon: There are no words called IMPOSSIBLE and FEAR in my dictionary.
Santa: What should I do ? You should have checked it before buying !!!

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How do you identify a Santa in a classroom ?
It is simple.. check who's erasing his notes when the teacher is cleaning the board. !!!!

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Santa was writing past tence of "I make a mistake"
Guess what he wrote ?
"I was made by a mistake"

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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated. He drank the poison and said: "Ab kaato saalo... Sab maroge"

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Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..
Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo..

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Sata Bank me paise jama karane gaya.
Cashier - Tumhare Note nakli hai.
Sardar - Tujhe kya farak padata hai? Jama to Mere Account me ho rahe hai na..!!

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Santa Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha Kyu Tension Me Ho..
Santa: Yaar, ek Dost Ko Plastic Surgery K Liye 2 Lakh Diye. Ab Saale Ko Pehchaan Nahi Pa raha hu !

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100 metre ki race ho rahi thi...
Referee said '1,2,3 GO!'...
Everybody started running except Santa.
Referee - y r u not running...?
Santa - My number is 4

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Santa to Banta : Agr tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya h, toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere..
Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne h... to 10 k 10 tere....
Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske h... . to Murgi bhi teri.... .
Banta :- Abey koi HINT TO De!

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Santa: meri biwi jawaan hai.
Banta: toh border pe bhej de

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Santa: Scientists have found ice and water On moon! We just need to carry whisky and chips with us. Banta: Why?
Santa: Can't depend on Scientists for everything !!!!

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Santa & Wife Travelling in Bus -
? Wife- Dekho ji ye pichhe wala mere Bluoz me hath dal raha hai.
Santa- Dalne de paise to meri jeb me hai.

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Wife: How much do you love me?
Santa: l love you so much, l can't measure.
Wife: No...just tell me.
Santa: Okay, l am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, l am nothing without u.
Wife: Wow! That's so romantic....
Santa:(saying to himself): Thank God! She doesn't know l'm like a China phone, with FOUR sim cards.........

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Santa K Dono Kaan Jal Gaye
Doctor : Tumharey Kaan Kese jaly ?
Santa : Main Qameez Istari Kar Raha tha ke Phone Aa Gaya.
Main ne Jaldi main Phone ki Jagah Istari Kaan ko Laga Li..!
Doctor : To Doosra Kaan Kese Jala ?
. .
Santa : Ab Ambulance ko Bhi Phone Karna Tha Na..

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Santa: Tum bike itni tez q chla rhe ho?
Banta: Ye letter urgent dena hai
Santa: Kaha?
Banta: Address padhne ka time nai hai.
Santa: Ok go fast.!

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Santa Ne Ek Din Badi Udasi Se Apne Dost Banta Ko Bola.
Santa: "Yaar Meri Biwi Gussa Bahut Karti Hai"
Banta: "Meri Bhi Pahle Karti Thi Ab Nahi Karti"
Santa: "Achha, Aisa Tum Ne Kya Elaaj Kiya?"
Banta Muskurate Hue: "Kuch Khas Nahi, Wo Ek Din Gusse Mein Thi, Maine Kah Diya Ke Budhape Mein Gussa Aa Hi Jata Hai, Us Din Se Wo Gussa Nahi Karti"

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Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.
Ussi waqt santa ne apna bag bahar fek diya.
Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?
Santa- maine..ab main ghar jau???

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Sir: Define Energy ?
Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Santa: ".....and this is called Energy"

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Santa flight me pilot ka headphone cheen raha tha....
Pilot:-Ye kya kar rahe ho..?.
Santa:- Accha ji Ticket hum le aur Gaane tum suno...!!

Santa: Interview kaisa hua?
Banta: Thik hua yaar, par aakhir mein woh angrezi me kuchh bola... "Show me your testimonials."
Santa: Toh Phir?
Banta: Mujhe lagta hai ki main galat cheez dikha ke aaya hoon... 

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Banta noticed that Santa was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong.

"Well," said Santa, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Banta.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."
"That's easy," said Banta. "You just say 'Of course I will'."
"Yeah," said Santa, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"

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Doctor: Roz 5 km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50 kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe: Wajan to kam ho gaya, magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825 km door aa gaya hun.

Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar lein.
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega.

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Santa: Shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye.
Salesman: Plain main dikhaun?
Santa: Nahin helicopter main dikha!
saale bandar ki aulad… Yahin pey dikha!!

Doctor: Do exercise daily for good health.
Santa: Sir I play football, cricket, daily.
Doctor: How long do you play?
Santa: Until the battery in my mobile goes down!!

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Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta: Why are you writing so slowly?
Santa: I am writing to my 5 years old kid Jhurlu, he can't read very fast.

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Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it. Banta: Is this dog faithful ? Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

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Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?
Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!! Santa Singh's lover asked: Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?

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"Sure", replied Santa, "What's your phone number?"

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Teacher : santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
Santa : You told me to do it without using tables.

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Once Santa was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told "WAIT SIR" for which santa replied "65Kgs" 

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Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot bath." 

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Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

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Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

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”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”

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Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.

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Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

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Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”

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Once Santa brought his girlfriend home for dinner. This was her first time meeting the family so she was tremendously nervous. This along with the broccoli she ate gave her a little gas so she let out a small noiseless fart but it turned out to be loud enough for the family to hear. Right then Santa’s father shouted at the dog sitting next to her chair, “Ginger!”. She was relieved. Next time she let out a louder one and again Santa’s father shouted at the dog, “Ginger!” he said. Finally she let a really loud one out that sounded like a train whistle and the father said “Ginger!!!!! Move from there before she shits on you!!!”

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Santa walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he sips the beer he hears a soothing voice say “nice tie”. He looks around and is baffled to see that there is no one there except him and the bartender at the other end of the room. A few sips later the voice says “beautiful shirt”.Santa panics and calls the bartender over and says “I must be losing my mind, I can hear these voices say nice things but there is no one else except you and me” , the bartender points to the table and says “oh it’s the peanuts , they are complimentary

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Inappropriate things that Santa tells his kid
-Beta why is a cemetery so popular?
Everyone is DYING to get in.
-Beta do you need a hand with that?
Haan papaji
Santa starts clapping.
-After watching his son slip on the slide, Santa says, “Happy journey Beta!!!!”
-Santa’s son asks for 100 bucks.
Santa says “ 50 bucks? What do you need 20 bucks for?”

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Santa is the true music lover.
A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking a bath and Santa is near the keyhole listening to her.

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Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””

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Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what happened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

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Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooooo cute!!!”

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Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa. Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”

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Santa taking grammar lessons
“If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!”

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Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.

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Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.

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Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?

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Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!

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Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!

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Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new

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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

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Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

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Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

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Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

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Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards! 

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Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

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